Infidelity, or also known as unfaithfulness or even more graphic, betrayal; is a common extramarital problem, which surprisingly happens to a lot of people. Look at those celebrities, politicians, or your next door neighbor, maybe even your parents. According to Ian McNeice, 44% of married men and 32% of married women in the USA have an extramarital affair. Marriage failure rating in the USA is almost 50% and 33% in the UK.
Extramarital affair is not the most favorite subject to be talked about, it is there and everyone aware of it yet everyone choose to keep silent. Because it affects people in different ways, it causes disgust to some but thrill and passion to others. And yes, it happened to almost everyone to some extent in their life. Why people do this anyway, why are they willing to go the extra mile? Is it the carnal passion, forbidden love and secret rendezvous; all of those which can make your heart race even faster than triathlon champion? Or the lovey-dovey, romantic, care and nurturing experience; all of those which you may not receive at home?
It can start anywhere, on anything and all depends on each individual and marriage condition. In this article, I would like to take a glance on how an affair would start generally, and later about emotional feelings occur to people who are involved in an affair. Some of extramarital affairs started because there is no love exists in the relationship. How can this be?
Few reasons on this; one, you married too young; two, you need to make a choice between marriage and abortion; three, you were 'forced' to marry someone, which happens in some culture; four, the most classic reason, you are bored. Either way, there are few 'steps' you are likely to go through when you have an affair.
Step one; this can happen anywhere, at work, at the mall, at fitness centre, on the bus, even on the church. You meet someone who shares same interests or fascinate you in some way and you are getting closer, talk and talk until you feel comfortable. More of this and both of you are eager to know about each other further. There! The emotional bond is formed. Before you realize it, you start to compare them with your partner. You would think that your partner is not as fun, not being as understanding, not as religious, not as attractive and gentle, and suddenly the 'not as' list getting longer. Step two; after you become emotionally attached, you start to feel the need of more physical interaction. This is when you start to think a lot about them, how you can meet as often as you can, how they would think if you do this or that. You are going to work because you want to see them, you imagine them on your side when you're driving to work or when you're sick. You even dress for them. Then on, you start to have dates, lunches and dinners. Step three; suddenly, you realized that he/she is all you wanted; you cared and maybe loved them by now. You share more personal stuff, create fantasies about what you both want to do when you get together (which may never happen). Then maybe you helped their work problem or they suggests good things for your kids. At this step you feel whole lot closer to them. Step four; more physical interaction. Both of you start to have this 'special' way to express your feelings. You are getting comfortable with cuddles and hugs. There's feeling that you are a great pair, inseparable, what a wonderful world if you can be together. Those pair of eyes, those soft hands, the broad shoulder where you can lean on; there's no way you can live without it, after all nobody made you feel good as they does, even your partner. Step five; you think that this is getting too far and people start noticing that you behave differently. You would want this to be a secret; you can't jeopardize your marriage, not now. You know that you want to be together with them but it has to be planned thoroughly, you don't want to hurt anybody. Then, you start to make excuses, invent stories, create secret meetings, and hide your phone bills. This is when infidelity sharpened, you disclose lies and more lies. Last step; both of you finally involved in sexual act. You never had the intention but the 'situation' leads you to it. The infidelity completes.
Look in the mirror; are you standing in any of the step above?